Great advice from my 3 year old son Teddy

"Dad, just settle down..."

Teddy Tapken January, 30, 2008

I say it over and over...you can learn so much from your kids if you just pay attention. It's amazing. Last night, my 3 year old son, Teddy, gave me some great advice. As I was instructing him to clean this up; put away those toys; get in the shower; pick out your book to read; and probably a few more instructions. After I was done barking, Teddy just looked up at me and said, "Dad, just settle down!"

Wow. I needed that. He was so right. I just needed to shut my mouth and quiet my mind and get focused. How many times in your life do you find yourself screaming instructions and trying to accomplish everything all at the same time? One of my favorite sayings is "In our quest to accomplish everything, make sure we don't do nothing." This happens in real life. We get busy trying to do everything that we end up not doing anything.

Do this: Quiet your mind, get focused, and JUST SETTLE DOWN!

Thanks Teddy! Your Dad needed that and I sure appreciate you and your greatness! You are A MIRACLE! Love you.... Dad!

WishandBack Bones....

Replace the wishbone with your backbone!

• I wish I could just do that...
• I wish I lived there....
• I wish I could meet that person....
• I wish I could lose that weight
• I wish I could stop that terrible habit
• I wish I could follow my dreams....
• I wish I could start that new business.....

Sound familiar? We have all heard people talk like this and even some of us practice these very thoughts every day. Living a life of "I wish..." is no way to go through this world. It leads to a life of regret. And nobody wants to travel down the Regret Road.

So what can you do? Take out the wishbone in your back and replace it with what is suppose to be there: A Backbone! We all only get one shot at this world so Try Things! Don't wish; Try things. Nike says: Just do it; Chris Tapken says: Just Try It! Don't live life in the grandstands watching time go by and others playing the game while you are not following your dreams. Go on the field of life and play the game as it is to be played. JUST TRY IT!

As I talked about in the previous post when you Just Try It!, nothing bad happens. Even when we don't meet the expectations or things don't go exactly as planned, its still OK. Nothing bad happens so Just Try It!

Courage, Risk, Guts, Fulfillment, Excitement, Joy, Abundance, Fear (good kind), Adrenalin, Peace, Depth, Health, Deep Soul-Inner contentment, Fun, Nerves, Humility...these are some of the feelings you will have when you start acting on your life and stop just talking and wishing.

Take a Deep Breath

Nothing bad will happen....so just relax!

Have you ever got yourself worked up into a near frenzy over something that is really just another task and really just normal living? We all have. We all have made a crisis out of something that just is part of another day. When its over we then look back and say: What was all the fuss about?

I know people who create crisis out of every day routines and tasks. These tend to be perfectionists that are always reaching for the "perfect" (not even realizing there is no perfect out there...frankly the only perfect is God) . If something is out of wacko, just even a little bit, they are in crisis mode. If they are out of sync on schedules, they are in crisis mode. If there is a stain on their shirt, they go into crisis mode. If the in box is not empty, its a crisis. On and on...drama after drama...crisis after crisis.

Stop turning life into a crisis. We all need to eat a piece of humble pie and realize the world goes on without us and sun will rise and set tomorrow (yes..even without us). Stop creating drama and realize life will go on just fine. NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN if x or y is not done...so just relax. Just relax and enjoy life. A peaceful mind does not create these self made crisis.

Basketball and Life

The other day I saw a couple guys at the basketball court practicing only the half court shot. The half court shot is very exciting when it goes in. There have even been some games won by the infamous half court shot. But the odds are very low in consistently making the half courts shot.

What consistently wins basketball games? Is it the very exciting but very long odds of the half court shot? Or is it the basics of basketball including things like free throws and good defense? Right! The basics and fundamentals of the game of basketball win games!

Look at your life as it relates to basketball. Do you spend time on the exciting long shot and searching for that inconsistent but yet high energy? Or do you spend time on the basics in life doing the fundamentals day in day out as best you can?

In our life, we need to spend time and energy on doing the things that work and win rather than the long shots. It’s the practice of the little things and fundamentals in our life that make it great. Find the extraordinary in the ordinary! Practice the basics every day and perfect them. This is where the sweet spot in life is at. This is the good stuff and that deep soul level peace. Don’t go chasing for the artificial high of life’s long shots. Just work on the basics with passion and heart.

Think about the best NBA players. They do the little things right. They are great at the fundamentals; defense, free throws, passing, and positioning. Sure, they occasionally have a great dunk or some flash; but that is not what they work on consistently. They work on the basics! As I tell Teddy and Tate (at 3 years old and 3 months old, they look at me funny during my speeches but I still give them and with passion!), if you ever get to the NBA, you can stay there for years by being able to make free throws!

The fundamentals in life are where it’s at! This is the Master Targets we strive to hit including things like:

Parenting. No bigger responsibility in the world than being a good parent....
Spousal support and making marriages and relationships off the chain!
Helping others.....
Doing what you are called to do. Fulfilling your dreams...
Live simply and with focus....
Joyful and abundant. Living with a purpose and depth....
Love….just plain love.

A tip...maybe it will help

A Tip...

I started journals about 3 years ago but really got serious within the last year. This has helped me so much! My mind tends to go fast and doesn't stop.(Type A thing going on...) Random thoughts and lots of them. So I needed a tool to bring clarity and peace to all this madness. I needed a tool to make sure I have my vision, priorities and a road map to hit my life's Master Targets!

Journals has been the answer. Writing everyday has given me clarity in thought and peace in my mind. It's really crazy how peaceful my mind has become. Also I am getting more things done and priorities are line in (I check them often to make sure). I still make mistakes every single day but I realize them sooner and correct them as best I can. That did not happen before.

My prayer journal has also helped a ton. I strongly suggest starting a prayer journal.

Clear thoughts, clear vision, and clear actions. And a peaceful mind.

Choices....H.C. Mattern

Don't Worry...Be Happy!

H.C. Mattern lived a life full of extremes. At one point in his life, he was hopeless. So much so that he attempted to take his own life. At this point, he thanked God for sparing his life and from that point on, he wanted to live very much. He then dedicated his life to self improvement and helping others live a full, joyful, and purposeful life; a life well lived.

He looked at his life and concluded it was full of choices. It started with his state of mind. Mattern had to make choice on how his mind worked and re-program his super computer head. First, he simply had to decide to either be unhappy or be happy. Most of us make life way more difficult than it has to be. Mattern did too. But he soon realized, life is just made up of simple choices. The first of which is when you get out of bed each day, you can make a choice. You can decide today is going to be a great day and I am going to be happy. Or you can choose to be unhappy. It's just a simple choice each day that all of us have the power to make.

H.C. Mattern chose to be happy. But he also had a tool he used to remind he to be happy. This tool was also used to helped thousands of people be happy. On the back of a business card that he carried with him and read daily is this:

"The way to happiness: keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think of others. Do as you would be done by. Try this for a week and you will be surprised."

I hope all you make the choice to be happy!

Chris

Strength and Weakness

Celebrate Strength and Emphasize Them.....camouflage weaknesses!

We all have things we are good at and things we are not good at; we all have strength and weaknesses. But do you know what you are good at and what you are poor at? Do you have a list? Have you put thought to it and then list it out on paper? Have you asked wise people their opinions or others in your support group?

Here is what I see in my travels. Most people don't have a clue as to playing on their strength and hiding their weaknesses. Sad; but true. Makes no logical sense; but its out there everyday. Think about this for a second: How much sense does this really make when people focus on things they are not good at and neglect the gifts of things they can succeed in? Hmmm...I am terrible at music. I have zero musical talents. If the best piano instructor in the world worked with me 7 days a week, it may go from a 0 to a 3. But, I am still only a 3. But I am fairly good at coaching. If the best coach in the world helped me perfect my coaching gifts, I may get to a 8 or 9. Do what does it make sense for me to focus on? Focus on a weakness that I can only be a 3 at or something else that I can be a 9?

So let us some sense on this. First, make a list of your strength and weaknesses. If you need some help or want opinions, ask your support group. If you are a leader, do this for your employees. Make a list of your employees talents and weaknesses. Second, now that you have a list, do those things you are good at. Put yourself ...or your employees... in a position to succeed or have the best chance for success. You do this by doing the things you are good at and making them to focus.

Chris

What are you doing?

A simple question but a serious one: What are you doing?

Have you ever stopped to think....and really think, write down, read, re-read, and give serious thought to: What am I doing?

I was forced to do this over the last 3 years. But I can tell you from personal experience this one of the best lessons in my life. And although there is pain (and alot of it) the journey is worth it to find and your place in the world and your calling in life (or at a minimum....become much more clear in your thoughts and purpose) You may not find exactly your 100% purpose in life but you will find more clarity to your life; and that is worth it. Over the last 3 year journey, I have identified what I need to get done in my life. I call them my Master Targets. I want to make sure I am hitting my Master Targets in my life and getting things done with purpose (and hopefully excellence).

I see so many people running around in life. Run here....run there....do this....do that....all so busy. But with all this busy "stuff", they don't have a purpose. They are not getting anything meaningful done or living with a purpose. It's all just NOISE!

I find this subject particularly appropriate today; Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Talk about a great man that knew his purpose in life! This is what it is all about. He knew his purpose; he knew his calling; and yes: HE HAD A DREAM!

Do this: Stop and ask yourself: What I am really doing? Do an audit of yourself and your life. Are you hitting the Master Targets in your life?

Here are my Master Targets in my life after my 3 year journey:

• Faith....My relationship with God
• Dad
• Husband
• Son
• Teacher, Coach, and Inspiration
• Help others
• Spend time and energy on those that mean most
• Be Thankful
• A good friend

2 choices....

More or less.... We really only have two choices to make in life: More or Less.

Here is what less looks like:

• Less happiness and ever worse: Less Joy
• Less potential
• Less fulfillment
• Less money
• Less freedom
• Less using our God given gifts and talents
• Less helping and serving others

The less route will lead to emptiness and life full of regrets. Unlike on the playground, there are no "do -overs" in life. Doing less is short changing yourself, your family, your community and the world. Agree?

More looks like this:

• More trying it. Just do it. Try things. Let it rip. Go for it.
• More Joy
• More gifts and blessings
• More positive deep level impact
• More fun
• More doing what we are called to do...more pleasing

What path are you on? What choice have you made? Do you like your choice? If not, change routes today. We have a responsibility to use our God given talents and gifts to do MORE...to do as much positive as we can in the time allotted. This means everyday we make progress. That doesn't mean everyday is rosy and peachy because it is not. We all know that there are tough times and bumps in the road. So what? Still reach and stretch to DO MORE! This does not mean talk more...it means do more....get results....make a positive difference in results.

You just gotta laugh.....

Laugh!.....often

Study after study shows us the importance and benefits of just.....laughing! We all have heard that it takes way more muscles in our face to frown than it does to laugh. True.

Laughing is:

• Good for the soul
• Programs our super computer minds on the positive and not negative
• FUN
• Infectious and makes others want to be in your company
• A cure.....can fix physical and mental health issues
• Keeps us in balance and in check
• Makes sure we don't take life our ourselves to seriously
• A KEY ELEMENT TO: A Life Well Lived!

One of the best sources of laughter is kids. True story last night. At the dinner table, my 3 year son Teddy says: "Daddy, what is the scratch on your face?" I told him I did not think I had a scratch on my face. "Yes you do," Teddy said. I asked him to show me where. "Right there, that line your head," Teddy told me as he pointed to my forehead.

No Teddy, those are just wrinkles! I laughed hard. I stored that story in the category of: You know you are getting old when.....

Do this: Just Laugh. Laugh today. Laugh often.

Chris

Welcome

Welcome!

If you are new to my site; welcome! Please feel free to forward http://www.christapken.com/ to your personal network if you wish.

For those looking for my writing on Uncle Phil, please scroll down to December 15th.

Thanks for visiting. You will find daily posts on personal development, inspirational thoughts and leadership so check back daily.

Chris

Stretch.....daily

Stretch!

We all know the importance of stretching your body for improved physical fitness. Our muscles need to be challenged in order to grow and function at a high level. By not stretching, our body will not perform as it could and ultimately limit what we can do in our lifetime. Guess what? The same is true for our minds and spirit.

We need to stretch our minds and our spirit...daily. Eleanor Roosevelt said it perfectly: "Do one thing every day that scares you." In other words: a common saying that we all hear is: Get out of your comfort zone. For me, I have never figured out what "zones" actually means so I relate much better to: Stretching!

• Move into uncharted territories
• New windows and new doors will open
• You will feel more "freedom"
• There is alot to see and do in this world. Don't short-change yourself
• Believe in You!
• Dream...and then Dream some more!
• TRY IT....TRY IT....and TRY IT some more....

I have this written in my Master Book on the front cover that I read daily and pretty much sums it up:

Do this: Get out on the skinny branches because that is where the fruit is at! (stop hugging the big and "safe" trunk of the tree....there is not sweet and succulent fruit there)

New Rule...

You can't complain about it if you are not willing to take steps to fix it!

I love this rule! It makes so much sense. Think about all the times people are complaining about situations and circumstances but yet are unwilling to do anything about it (but still complain). It's totally ridiculous. Implement this rule with me and the results will be beneficial.

How much wasted time and more importantly, wasted energy do we spend listening to others complain about things they never will fix? Next time this happens, just throw out this rule.

In my business of consulting work, I hear all the time things like:

• My sales are too low
• My managers are not effective
• My employees are not good
• My advertising doesn't work
• My costs are too high and prices too low
• On and On....

But yet they offer NO solutions to fixing it. Then to make matters even worse: When I do offer solutions that will work, they don't implement them but yet still complain! Is that crazy or what? This year, its either fix it or you can't complain about it. That simple.

Learn to say:

It's all Good!

We all have flaws. We all make mistakes. Things and plans go wrong. There is no such thing as perfect people or perfect things. Given that: It's all Good!

We need to learn to say and think: It's all Good... much more. We are a "stressed out" society and "stressed out" group of people; you agree? But all that stress does not accomplish anything and in fact, leads to problems. I heard the other day a business woman say something to the effect that she must have stress and thrives on stress. Wow, I thought... what a messed up life that would be. So my advice is to learn: It's all Good!

Facts:

• Kids make messes
• Business is difficult
• Relationships take work and time and energy and commitment; and still are hard
• There is never enough money
• When there is a lot of money, that causes huge problems too (actually more than no money if the truth be told)
• Prices are going up
• There is never enough time
• On and on I could go.......

I say: So what! It's all Good! Be content and strive for inner peace and joy. But you can't find peace and joy in your life when you are stressed out and searching for perfection! To prove this out, write down all the issues you stressed out about last year and then how many would you cross out today and wished you would have not worried at all. Even more close to home, what did you stress out about last week that is a non-issue today? Kelly and I got home last night and Teddy had our house a disaster. It's all Good. What difference does it make as I sit here right now? NONE

Do this: Learn......It's all Good!

Please pray...

My Uncle Phil passed away this morning. He will be missed. And today he is in a place that is indescribable to us on earth called: Heaven! My Grandpa Mike and Uncle Phil are re-united today and I would guess are arm in arm; deep belly laughing and getting caught up.

So please say a prayer for my Uncle Phil and also my Aunt Donna.

Aunt Donna we are all praying for you and we are all here for you!

Now, it's also time to celebrate Uncle Phil and his life.

With a heavy heart,
Chris

Daily habit

Appreciate and Admire...Everyday!

When was the last time you gave someone a compliment or told someone you appreciated them? I find most people answer something like:

• Not very often or
• They already know how I feel or
• I am too embarrassed to tell them

Bottom line is we just don't do it. I am so guilty of this too and I need to change.

But then ask someone if they like to receive compliments or appreciation and the answer is always a firm: YES!

Get in the habit of telling people how much they mean to you or how much you appreciate them or just plain thank them. Make this change with me. It's so worth it. When you think about it, it really takes no effort and it just flat out...makes people's day. People want to know they made a difference in life; they had a positive impact. We know they do; we just need to tell them.

Uncle Phil,
You made a difference and Thanks being YOU!

Thankful for List

Thankful for List...

Do this: Today, please take some time to write down everything you are thankful for which you have been given. Doesn't need to be fancy or some big project. But simply grab a pen and paper and write down all that you are thankful for.

Preview: We are going to focus on being content and focusing on what you have rather than always chasing what you don't have. (But that does not mean we don't push ourselves to go to the next level or get better in life.) It simply means we need to stop and smell the roses and be thankful for all we have been given.

Mental Nourishment

We all know the relationship between nutrition and physical health. What we put in our mouths as a direct relationship with our fitness and our health. Over and over we have learned this and been taught. Kids are taught the food groups early on. But there is an even more important direct relationship that we don't give near enough thought to; and that is our mental nutrition.

What do you put in your mind? The things you put in your mind have a direct relationship to your life and how you are living your life. Do you put negative things in your mind or positive things in your mind? What are your daily thoughts? What are your daily routines? Have you ever stop to think about it?

Show me a positive person and someone that just gets "it" in life and I guarantee you they flood their mind with positive mental thoughts and weed out the negative. You can't get to zero in negative but the goals is to get as close as you can and then pour in the positive into your mind.

Do this: Audit what goes into your mind! Look at, write down, and monitor:

• What do you watch on TV?
• What magazines do you read?
• What Internet sites do you go to?
• What books do you read?
• What music do you listen to?

It is amazing what you will find. What good are you getting out of gossip magazines and following Britney's story? What mental nourishment do you get from Entertainment Tonight? What positive thoughts are you getting from TMZ? NONE! One of the problems is that we don't stop to think about it. We don't audit it like we do the food we eat. But in reality, when we do think about it... we quickly realize it's all so shallow and doing nothing in your deep soul growth and mental nourishment. (Frankly it's an embarrassment to most of us). So we all need to stop the craziness and let's all fill our minds with positive mental nourishment. What a different world this would be!

A tip...maybe it will help

Remember all compliments; Forget all personal attacks.

Our minds are super-computers. They can hold a ton of information for years and years. Our minds control our attitudes which control our actions which drive our relationships. And life is all about relationships. So we need to program our minds correctly. We need to fill our minds full of positive thoughts. Those positive thoughts will lead to positive behavior. That positive behavior makes people interesting and infectious and everyone wants have a relationship with those people.

So how can we program our minds the right way and full of positive thoughts? Well, one way is to remember all compliments people give you over your lifetime. Remember the...You look great....I love your hair.....You are so helpful......That was so nice of you.....You are so smart....Fill your mind full of those compliments. But then also discard and forget all negative personal attacks. Don't let those enter your mind or stay in your memory. Now I know, those are hard to forget and we want to keep those so we can hold a grudge. We like to keep score and keeping those gives us an edge; or so we think . But actually you are not winning when you keep those thoughts. Discard them. They bring you down. Let others keep negative thoughts. You raise above those personal attacks and simply....Move on!

Do this: Fill your minds full of positive thinking and memories. Remember all those compliments. Also discard all that criticism. Don't let give those negative thoughts a place in your minds. When you do this, AMAZING RESULTS will come!

Notecards....Love em!

Just got done with a phone call and the topic was goal setting and getting things done in terms of daily execution to hit goals. Whatever system you use to keep you organized and on task is fine but the key is to DO SOMETHING every single day. Have a plan every single day. And here is another point: It does not need to be sophisticated! So many people have these complicated software programs and Blackberry this and Blackberry that....looking for the perfect organizer. Meanwhile they don't get anything done because they spend all their time organizing. Believe me, I am all in favor or organization and know it leads to higher productivity. But don't spend all your time organizing and not getting anything done. I am on the other side of the fence and my 3 year son probably has a more sophisticated system than I do. But for me, it works and I have used it for years.

Question was asked what do I use? Note cards. I love note cards! I have them with me at all times. Stacks of them. The following is my complicated system:

1. Every morning I write down what I want to get done that day.

2. I do them. (or as many as I can)

3. Next day; start over back at 1 and proceed to number 2.

See today's note card.

As you look at your 2008 plans....

If you think you CAN or if you think you CAN NOT; either way you are correct!

The mind is so powerful and can actually be programed for success! And part of being successful (and not just money) is having the right attitude....a CAN DO attitude. I see all the time in my business, people/businesses that are struggling and inevitably, it comes down to attitude. They have a defeated attitude. They have a negative attitude. They have a no win attitude.That is no way to go through life.

So today, re-program that super-computer called your mind. Program it for success. Program it for winning. Program it for a CAN DO attitude. You will be amazed at the results that will follow. I promise. Much more to come on exploring this area but for today; simply think CAN DO!

• I can win today
• I can accomplish this today
• I can turn it around
• I can get it done
• I can be successful
• I can be happy
• I can be productive
• I can contribute

Do this: Program your mind today to CAN DO! Make it a great day today!

Chris